Twelfth Night: Act 2

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FABIAN
What dish o' poison has she dressed him!

SIR TOBY BELCH
And with what wing the staniel cheques at it!

MALVOLIO
'I may command where I adore.' Why, she may command me: I serve her; she is my lady. Why, this is evident to any formal capacity; there is no obstruction in this: and the end,--what should that alphabetical position portend? If I could make that resemble something in me,--Softly! M, O, A, I,--

SIR TOBY BELCH
O, ay, make up that: he is now at a cold scent.

FABIAN
Sowter will cry upon't for all this, though it be as rank as a fox.

MALVOLIO
M,--Malvolio; M,--why, that begins my name.

FABIAN
Did not I say he would work it out? the cur is excellent at faults.

MALVOLIO
M,--but then there is no consonancy in the sequel; that suffers under probation A should follow but O does.

FABIAN
And O shall end, I hope.

SIR TOBY BELCH
Ay, or I'll cudgel him, and make him cry O!

MALVOLIO
And then I comes behind.

FABIAN
Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might see more detraction at your heels than fortunes before you.

MALVOLIO
M, O, A, I; this simulation is not as the former: and yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me, for every one of these letters are in my name. Soft! here follows prose.

[Reads] 
'If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars I am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. Thy Fates open their hands; let thy blood and spirit embrace them; and, to inure thyself to what thou art like to be, cast thy humble slough and appear fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let thy tongue tang arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of singularity: she thus advises thee that sighs for thee. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings, and wished to see thee ever cross-gartered: I say, remember. Go to, thou art made, if thou desirest to be so; if not, let me see thee a steward still, the fellow of servants, and not worthy to touch Fortune's fingers. Farewell. She that would alter services with thee, 
THE FORTUNATE-UNHAPPY.' 

Daylight and champaign discovers not more: this is open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors, I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross acquaintance, I will be point-devise the very man. I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade me; for every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of late, she did praise my leg being cross-gartered; and in this she manifests herself to my love, and with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits of her liking. I thank my stars I am happy. I will be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and cross-gartered, even with the swiftness of putting on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a postscript.

[Reads]
'Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling; thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.' 

Jove, I thank thee: I will smile; I will do everything that thou wilt have me.

Exit

FABIAN
I will not give my part of this sport for a pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.

SIR TOBY BELCH
I could marry this wench for this device.

SIR ANDREW
So could I too.

SIR TOBY BELCH
And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.

SIR ANDREW
Nor I neither.

FABIAN
Here comes my noble gull-catcher.

Re-enter MARIA

SIR TOBY BELCH
Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?

SIR ANDREW
Or o' mine either?

SIR TOBY BELCH
Shall I play my freedom at traytrip, and become thy bond-slave?

SIR ANDREW
I' faith, or I either?

SIR TOBY BELCH
Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.

MARIA
Nay, but say true; does it work upon him?

SIR TOBY BELCH
Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.

MARIA
If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark his first approach before my lady: he will come to her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests; and he will smile upon her, which will now be so unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a melancholy as she is, that it cannot but turn him into a notable contempt. If you will see it, follow me.

SIR TOBY BELCH
To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!

SIR ANDREW
I'll make one too.

Exeunt

 

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