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SIR TOBY BELCH
Thou'rt i' the right. Go, sir, rub your chain with
crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!
MALVOLIO
Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour at any
thing more than contempt, you would not give means
for this uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.
Exit
MARIA
Go shake your ears.
SIR ANDREW
'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's
a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to
break promise with him and make a fool of him.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Do't, knight: I'll write thee a challenge: or I'll
deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
MARIA
Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight: since the
youth of the count's was today with thy lady, she is
much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me
alone with him: if I do not gull him into a
nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not
think I have wit enough to lie straight in my bed:
I know I can do it.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Possess us, possess us; tell us something of him.
MARIA
Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.
SIR ANDREW
O, if I thought that I'ld beat him like a dog!
SIR TOBY BELCH
What, for being a puritan? thy exquisite reason,
dear knight?
SIR ANDREW
I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason
good enough.
MARIA
The devil a puritan that he is, or any thing
constantly, but a time-pleaser; an affectioned ass,
that cons state without book and utters it by great
swarths: the best persuaded of himself, so
crammed, as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is
his grounds of faith that all that look on him love
him; and on that vice in him will my revenge find
notable cause to work.
SIR TOBY BELCH
What wilt thou do?
MARIA
I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of
love; wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape
of his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure
of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find
himself most feelingly personated. I can write very
like my lady your niece: on a forgotten matter we
can hardly make distinction of our hands.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Excellent! I smell a device.
SIR ANDREW
I have't in my nose too.
SIR TOBY BELCH
He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop,
that they come from my niece, and that she's in
love with him.
MARIA
My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.
SIR ANDREW
And your horse now would make him an ass.
MARIA
Ass, I doubt not.
SIR ANDREW
O, 'twill be admirable!
MARIA
Sport royal, I warrant you: I know my physic will
work with him. I will plant you two, and let the
fool make a third, where he shall find the letter:
observe his construction of it. For this night, to
bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.
Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH
Good night, Penthesilea.
SIR ANDREW
Before me, she's a good wench.
SIR TOBY BELCH
She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me:
what o' that?
SIR ANDREW
I was adored once too.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for
more money.
SIR ANDREW
If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Send for money, knight: if thou hast her not i'
the end, call me cut.
SIR ANDREW
If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Come, come, I'll go burn some sack; 'tis too late
to go to bed now: come, knight; come, knight.
Exeunt
SCENE IV. DUKE ORSINO's palace
Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and others
DUKE ORSINO
Give me some music. Now, good morrow, friends.
Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,
That old and antique song we heard last night:
Methought it did relieve my passion much,
More than light airs and recollected terms
Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times:
Come, but one verse.
CURIO
He is not here, so please your lordship that should sing it.
DUKE ORSINO
Who was it?
CURIO
Feste, the jester, my lord; a fool that the lady
Olivia's father took much delight in. He is about the house.
DUKE ORSINO
Seek him out, and play the tune the while.
Exit CURIO. Music plays
Come hither, boy: if ever thou shalt love,
In the sweet pangs of it remember me;
For such as I am all true lovers are,
Unstaid and skittish in all motions else,
Save in the constant image of the creature
That is beloved. How dost thou like this tune?
VIOLA
It gives a very echo to the seat
Where Love is throned.
DUKE ORSINO
Thou dost speak masterly:
My life upon't, young though thou art, thine eye
Hath stay'd upon some favour that it loves:
Hath it not, boy?
VIOLA
A little, by your favour.
DUKE ORSINO
What kind of woman is't?
VIOLA
Of your complexion.
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